Loving-Kindness Meditation (Metta)

What metta means

Metta is a Pali word usually translated as loving-kindness, goodwill or friendliness. The practice comes from the Buddhist tradition, where it is the first of four qualities known as the brahmaviharas: goodwill, compassion, joy in the happiness of others, and equanimity. Early texts describe it as a wish for all beings to be safe and well. The step-by-step method taught today, moving from yourself outwards through a series of people, follows the outline given in an old Theravada meditation manual, the Visuddhimagga. You do not need to be Buddhist to practise it.

The phrases

Choose three or four short wishes and keep the same ones for several weeks. A common set is:

• May I be safe.
• May I be healthy.
• May I be happy.
• May I live with ease.

The order of people

Repeat the phrases slowly, one on each out-breath if that helps. Change ‘I’ to ‘you’ as you move on. Spend a few minutes on each stage.

• Yourself. If this feels hard, begin with the next person and come back.
• Someone who has been kind to you, such as a teacher, a grandparent or a good friend.
• A neutral person: someone you see but hardly know, like a shopkeeper or a neighbour.
• A difficult person. Start with someone mildly irritating, not the person who has hurt you most.
• Everyone: the people in your home, your street, your town, and outwards as far as you can imagine.

When no warm feeling comes

Many people expect a glow of affection and feel nothing, or feel like a fraud. The practice does not depend on feeling. You are repeating an intention, in the way you might water a plant without watching it grow. Some days the words are flat. Some days the opposite arrives, such as irritation, sadness or a sharp inner critic. That is common, particularly at the first and fourth stages. Notice it, return to the person who is easiest for you, and continue from there. You can change the wording until it sounds like something you would actually say.

Care with difficult people and grief

Wishing someone well is not the same as approving of what they did, and it does not mean you must contact them or forgive on a timetable. If you have been harmed by someone, leave that person out. The Visuddhimagga advises choosing living people for the practice, because thinking of someone who has died can turn it into grieving. If strong distress comes up, open your eyes, feel your feet on the floor and stop for the day. If you have a history of trauma or abuse, consider practising with a qualified teacher or a clinician. A simple plan is five minutes a day on yourself and a kind person for two weeks, then add one stage each week.